I have really enjoyed being pregnant. It is a funny state of being: an anticipation of an event, but also an experience in and of itself. It can be hard sometimes to live in the moment during pregnancy, with all the preparations that need to go on for the little one’s arrival. On the other hand, it is such a momentous thing in and of itself that you feel like you should be acutely aware of the baby growing inside of you at every moment of the day. Not so much in the third trimester, but earlier in the pregnancy there would be days where I would see myself in the mirror as I got into the shower (for some odd reason the previous owners put a huge mirror covering the wall over the bathtub—a bit disconcerting to see oneself in that way first thing every morning, but luckily the steam from the shower fogs it up quickly enough!) and be surprised to see my growing bump. Or go a couple of hours without even thinking about the baby, when it is so intimately connected to me. I would say, “Oh, hello baby! I haven’t forgotten about you, I promise!” Luckily I am not too much of a worrier, but the thought would pop into my head: what kind of a mother am I, forgetting about this little one, even for a moment?!
Of course, there are also the moments in the day where baby starts to squirm around (do its exercises, I like to call it, taking after its da and working out those muscles!), and I just feel such overwhelming love for the little thing. This is my baby, a complete little person growing inside of me! At those times, part of me wants to stay pregnant forever, not let the little one out into the world, not have to share these special moments with anyone—even Jon! It is just so amazing to be a player in the creation of a person, someone with a little soul that will live forever. This little life will never end, but its beginning was right here inside of me! What an overwhelming thought. At those times, I just feel so close to God and seem to have a little inkling of the love that He must feel for every one of us, His creations, and I pray so fervently for my little child.
Obviously, I can’t wait to actually meet my little one, face to face. I think that human gestation is probably just the right length, because at 38 weeks, I definitely wasn’t ready, psychologically, for the baby to be born. That may have been related to the fact that I didn’t feel that all the preparations were in place at home for the baby to come, and now those things are (more or less) completed. But in the past few days, as my “due date” approaches (tomorrow!), the baby has been getting heavier, my whole body has been aching more and more, and those lovely little squirms are turning into painful jabs in the ribs and hips more often! Physically, I am getting ready to be done with pregnancy itself, which definitely aides in the psychological and emotional preparation.
There is so much to look forward to in the next few weeks: the labour and birth itself (I am so excited and intrigued to see what it will be like and how my body will do its thing!); those first moments with the baby, which everyone says are so lovely; getting to know our little child and what s/he is like; watching Jon be a new father. But I am definitely trying, in these last few days (weeks?) of pregnancy, to really savour these moments and not wish them all away. God willing, we will have more children and similar moments will come, but I’ll never hold this baby in my womb again. (Plus, I don’t know that you get as much time to “savour the moment” for subsequent children—the toddlers I know don’t seem to appreciate quiet time the way adults do!) How lucky I am to be able to take this time out for my baby and me!