Gus is feeling much better after two quite rough days on Thursday and Friday. Still no teeth, but I *think* that is the issue. All the signs seem to point that way, anyway, according to my non-existent experience with all this!
These have been some tough days for all of us. Although the most acute days may actually have been the easiest--for me, anyway! Yes, he was tired and fussy and feverish and did cry more than usual. But there was something so lovely about being able to comfort him at my breast. We spent most of the day cuddling together, either nursing or sleeping (and sometimes both!). When his temperature started to rise, a cold washcloth, some skin-to-skin contact with his mama, and some milk would calm him down so that he could drift off to sleep.
This is what mothering is all about. Yes, the days full of smiles and new accomplishments and sunshine are amazing. But I felt such connection, such love, and so very blessed to be able to care for my sweet babe when he was unwell. No one can care for Gus like I can. Sure, if Jon had been home instead of me, he would have found his own, equally good way of caring for and comforting Gus. But those two days gave me a real boost in my confidence as Gus's mother, in my ability to meet his needs, whatever they are. It was like this was a test, and I passed with flying colors (I always liked taking tests in school--I know, I am a big weirdo). And it really hit me that, even though he seems so big and grown up compared to when he was first born, he is still so tiny, so dependent, and he still needs us so much.
Saturday and Sunday, while on the whole much better days where Gus was feeling more like himself and playful for the majority of the day, presented challenges that were in some ways more difficult. Namely, difficulties getting Gus to fall asleep when he so desperately needed to, and the crying that goes with that. Let me say now, Gus generally a) falls asleep really easily for both naps and nighttime and b) cries very little. Not doing these things--that is tough. All the confidence I had gained the previous two days went right out the window after 10, 20, 30 minutes of crying. And then a short break of happiness. And repeat. A few more times. He just sounded so sad. And nothing we could do could comfort him. And the thing that worked five minutes ago doesn't work now. You think to yourself what am I doing? How did I ever think I had this thing figured out?
But somehow, he calms again. He falls asleep (finally!) and wakes up to give you that smile that melts your heart. And all is right with the world. I am the mama, who makes the world right for my precious little one.